LSC- self esteem

Alright so tonight my self esteem took a bit hit...and that got me thinking.

So after a 4 day weekend/holiday the phones were out of control at work and I had tasks coming out of my ears all day! So naturally after all calls and rx's were done it was 6:15pm and I still needed to grocery shop for the week. So I went to Walmart to take on the expensive time consuming last task of the day. That is where they were. By they I mean the girls that make me sick. Skinny. Long thick hair. Tan. Decked out in VS sweats and brand new Uggs. And for me? Hair up in a messy pony tail, scrubs, tennis shoes and glasses. Let me tell you I was NOT the one turning heads. And of course it ended up the were every where I needed to go. Now for someone who is totally comfortable with themselves this clearly would not have been an issue, and I think if it would have been another day it would have been fine but for some reason today it really bothered me. So then I started to think you know they are all best friends that probably live together, not married but just casually dating around, never been through life altering things and spending all their unlimited funds from mommy and daddy on new clothes and Uggs ect. Then it hit me.

I cant be like them. Not only am I about 20 lbs to heavy to be like them but I was out grocery shopping after a busy day at work where I go every day from 8-5(ish) and work my butt off so my husband and I will have money to pay bills...like grown adults. These girls probably went to a 2 or 3 classes, gave each other relationship advice, took a nap, went shopping and decided to get some more junk food. We could not be more different.

But is this an excuse or the truth? I am a wife. I am a WIFE. It is my job in our family to go get the groceries within budget and make dinners/lunches for the week. I love this job and I would not trade it for anything! But does being a wife mean not getting to be "those girls" anymore? I hear everyone gains 10-15lbs when they get married, is this true?! I have been going over this with myself all night...will I ever get to be those girls again or will I be the fat wife that goes to Walmart in her scrubs after a long day at work.

I left Iowa State for many reasons and one of them was the pressure to be those girls. I dont have unlimited funds (and Im glad I dont, I know the value of money and how to work for it!) I dont have the perfect body but my husband loves me and talks me off the cliff constantly since I am so critical of the unperfectness. I hated the pressure to look like they did but looking back on it... I did. I was them. And I gave it up...now wanting it back?

Is the grass greener on the other side? Married women wanted to be hot twenty somethings again and hot twenty somethings wanting to be married and settled down.

I love where I am in my life! I love getting to be a wife and making crockpot dinners and pies and creating a christmas village! I just wish I could look like what I did 4 years ago...I miss that. No acne or weight from birth control issues. Will I ever get that back?!