LSC- doing better

Hello all!

Wow...sorry about the lack of posting! But...drum roll please......

I have friends!

I know this is crazy, Iowa City has not been kind to me since we moved here almost a year and a half ago and I had a terrible time meeting people in my same life stage and age. I had one very good friend right when we moved here but...well...sometimes things are not what they seem. So...I ate which is what got me into this mess in the first place. But now I have friends and I am involved in our new church and am so much happier!

I have also decided to start training for a 5k this spring! I was inspired by my awesome ISU roomie Torey, she hates running and loves food as much as me so there for if she can do it I can do it! She told me about this couch to 5k app for my phone that tells me when to run and when to walk in the training. Needless to say I am not starting until spring but as talked about in previous posts I have enjoyed running outside and have NO desire to run on a stupid tredmill. Then this summer my whole family and I will run a 5k in Kansas city together!

I am really learning to love myself again. This has been SO hard to overcome. Self esteem is a huge problem to deal with and it takes time but I am learning to get there. Now I have good days and bad days, there are some pictures I wont look at and some people I wont stand next to in pictures but that will all change this summer. :) I will be high school cheerleading ripped again! PROMISE. I have also learned I can do what I put my mind too. If I want to eat only 800 calories in a day and run I will I just have to get in the mind set and DO IT! I mean I am eating yogurt and egg whites for breakfast for goodness sake! I CAN DO IT!

I am still not perfect and I still have some bad days but it is getting easier :)
God is so good <3 and I am SO blessed!

LSC- self esteem

Alright so tonight my self esteem took a bit hit...and that got me thinking.

So after a 4 day weekend/holiday the phones were out of control at work and I had tasks coming out of my ears all day! So naturally after all calls and rx's were done it was 6:15pm and I still needed to grocery shop for the week. So I went to Walmart to take on the expensive time consuming last task of the day. That is where they were. By they I mean the girls that make me sick. Skinny. Long thick hair. Tan. Decked out in VS sweats and brand new Uggs. And for me? Hair up in a messy pony tail, scrubs, tennis shoes and glasses. Let me tell you I was NOT the one turning heads. And of course it ended up the were every where I needed to go. Now for someone who is totally comfortable with themselves this clearly would not have been an issue, and I think if it would have been another day it would have been fine but for some reason today it really bothered me. So then I started to think you know they are all best friends that probably live together, not married but just casually dating around, never been through life altering things and spending all their unlimited funds from mommy and daddy on new clothes and Uggs ect. Then it hit me.

I cant be like them. Not only am I about 20 lbs to heavy to be like them but I was out grocery shopping after a busy day at work where I go every day from 8-5(ish) and work my butt off so my husband and I will have money to pay bills...like grown adults. These girls probably went to a 2 or 3 classes, gave each other relationship advice, took a nap, went shopping and decided to get some more junk food. We could not be more different.

But is this an excuse or the truth? I am a wife. I am a WIFE. It is my job in our family to go get the groceries within budget and make dinners/lunches for the week. I love this job and I would not trade it for anything! But does being a wife mean not getting to be "those girls" anymore? I hear everyone gains 10-15lbs when they get married, is this true?! I have been going over this with myself all night...will I ever get to be those girls again or will I be the fat wife that goes to Walmart in her scrubs after a long day at work.

I left Iowa State for many reasons and one of them was the pressure to be those girls. I dont have unlimited funds (and Im glad I dont, I know the value of money and how to work for it!) I dont have the perfect body but my husband loves me and talks me off the cliff constantly since I am so critical of the unperfectness. I hated the pressure to look like they did but looking back on it... I did. I was them. And I gave it up...now wanting it back?

Is the grass greener on the other side? Married women wanted to be hot twenty somethings again and hot twenty somethings wanting to be married and settled down.

I love where I am in my life! I love getting to be a wife and making crockpot dinners and pies and creating a christmas village! I just wish I could look like what I did 4 years ago...I miss that. No acne or weight from birth control issues. Will I ever get that back?!

LSC change- Day ? -Sit ups...

So I lost track of my days...sorry.

So on Monday night I was supposed to be packing and making homemade pies to take to Des Moines and Kansas City but I had a ridiculous day at work again that was SO busy and I did not want to get off the couch. So I watched TV and did my pintrest pinning for a while but by then I had pretty bad cramps (TIM I know but deal its a funny story) and knew I needed to get up to help it. I know walking around and physical activity helps relieve cramps so I did 100 jumping jacks and then started in on my 200 crunches. Im sitting there thinking this is such a good thing Im up moving around getting my muscles moving so I wont have cramps anyone! What I didnt think about was that after doing my 200 crunches/abs work out I realize I had angered my cramps not made them better.

I thought I was dying. Seriously. What the FRICK was I thinking doing ab work with cramps! SO. STUPID.

So needless to say I laid on the couch again while my body was under attack by my uterus. I had angered it.

So Stupid Elizabeth! Why would you do that!?


Anyways....I just had to share my pain because I could not believe I had done something so stupid. I guess Im not the brightest crayon in the box some days...

In other news....Today is thanksgiving. I will not be good but I promise to work out! My sissy brought her jillian micheals DVD home so I WILL use it! I swear. But we did make puppy chow and its phenomenal...so that will be my weakness. I love puppy chow. :)

LSC Day #28- self esteem update

Today was a sad day. There was no Ghurties in it thats why it was sad.

I also took a nap. :)

I think I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin for now. I feel like until I get to the root of the problem which is the medication I was ok I am only setting myself up for failure. Now don't get me wrong, I still eat my eggs and yogurt for breakfast and eating the correct portion sizes but Im not like a freak about it anymore. I do still do my exercises but not as hardcore... I feel like winter and getting dark at 5pm is discouraging me from that. I know thats an excuse you dont need to remind me BUT I really enjoyed running outside after work...too bad I got into it in the end of Oct and I live in Iowa home of cold and snow. Boo.

I am not happy with myself yet but I am leaning to live with it. I try to avoid things that make me sad like looking in the mirror before a shower and trying on jeans that used to fit. Instead I am now buying things bigger that are more flattering so I dont get my hopes up and those size 4 skinny jeans don't fit I need and 6 or 8 in some styles. Wow...that was hard to say. I want my old body back SO bad but right now its not an option until I can get my stress level and medication under control.

I AMNOT GIVING UP though! I am proud of how I have changed my eating habits and will continue to eat well and not have clogged arteries by the time I am 35 anymore.

P.S. My pedometer fell out of my pocket and died. I started to tear up in the middle of Old Navy and an 8 year old gave me the stank eye. Bite me. My pedometer is my life line and its now gone so shut up skinny 8 year old one day you will gain weight and then try to lose it and need a pedometer too! Ok maybe not...but its a serious possibility.

Ugh RIP pedometer.

LSC Day #27- Shopping success..Finally!

FINALLY GOOD NEWS!!!!

I had a successful shopping trip! This has to be the most uplifting thing that has happened in so long! I went to Old Navy and absolutely WENT TO TOWN on the sale rack and found...are you ready for the 8 that EIGHT new shirts! THAT FIT!!! Clearly by my excessive use of caps this is a huge deal! I have been feel so down about not having anything to wear, nothing really fits well anymore and most of my clothes are pretty outdated any ways so that was a double doozie. Double doozie cookies....mmmhh....anyways.

This is HUGE for me!! I have had SO MANY terrible shopping trips lately that I needed this SO BAD! I finally have shirts that fit but are not super form fitting so I feel comfortable with my self. This has been so long coming! I am soooooo thankful for this! I have not been happy with my clothes for so long! I always have either the 1. I JUST wore this...but I have nothing else that fits 2. well theres my fat belly pooch in this one so I cant wear this. and 3. Everything is so old its not in style anymore! Its amazing what a few new clothes can do for your self esteem...Im still fat but at least its better hidden and I feel better about myself! :)

On top of that they were all on sale with an extra 30% off the sale price.

8 tops + 2 pairs of dress shorts = $83.

Suck. on. that. :)

p.s. decided to change the medication I am on in hopes the does change with work better with my body and allow me to drop some weight.

We will see!

Ahh...Im so happy :)

LSC Day #25(?)- Slackin again...oh and Ghurties

Sorry I have been slacking again! So posting everynight is starting to get out of hand....It will now be everytime I remember :)

Ok confession time: I had Ghurties again. Omg. I love Ghurties.

Now that I got that off my chest I feel better and much less guilty. I did however have a good lunch and no afternoon snack! So in that case I feel like picked and chose where I used my calories...and in the case it was Ghurties.

I did not work out...GAHH!!! I have god intentions I just dont have time. Boo.

I kinda feel like all this is a waste considering the medication I take that makes me gain all this weight has not changed. So I am buying clothes in bigger sizes and nothing form fitting. I will do this until I figure out what do to and if I am going to keep taking it or start something else. Blah. Too big of a decision to make right now, maybe next week? next month?

Ill keep you posted :)

In any case I will still eat like I am but working out is not doing so hot. And yes that pun was intended. :)

LSC Day #23- boring...

Short post...sorry! This blogging everyday is getting hard...sorry I have totally been slacking! But on the up side that means Im doing more in life and not sitting lonely on the couch every night with my food so YAY! :)

I had a good day of eating today! Im not like super food crazy anymore...I actually really dont write much down anymore. One reason for that is I eat alot of the same things every day so by this time I know how many calories they are the other...Im trying to not over analyze it.

I have my eggs and yogurt for breakfast then for lunch chicken and brown rice with salsa and for dinner chili.

Oh yeah...then ghurties. AHHH! So freakin addicting!!!!!!

Its ok because then I did roughly around 300 sit ups and my arms with a few squats. I did not have time to do the jillian video but thats ok I did something and that is what matters! :)

I love my new life style :)